Poems

These are poems that I've written along the YEARS, dont judge too hard im not a poet

lost:

it’s lost, suffocating to the touch and the flow. it wants to get out

it wants to let go

it doesn’t know how

it’s lost

sadness:

the ebb and flow hurts. hurts more then she expected. the stars shine but it’s not bright. the sun sets and she watched, music played and she danced. she still hurt. it didn’t seem to matter the choices she made. All of it was wrong

wishes:

she wants romance.

the fingers through her hair

the soft kisses on her forehead

grasping of soft fingers

holding when stars are out

the reverence in eyes

the slow motion of hips

the gentle of touches

she wanted romance

not what she got

it was mean words

it was harsh hands

it was early mornings

it was long nights

it was brutal at times

it hurt

but she wished for romance and in her eyes she found it.

snow:

it was cold out the sun still rose it defied the odds. they came from snow, it didn’t bother her. the cold bothered her. she didn’t feel it.

they swam away it wasn’t safe but they didn’t think twice. it’s what safe haven looked like. they hated that.

hated everything. but it was still cold and there was still snow.

backs ached and muscles tore, but they still swam and it was still cold

and she hated that

you:

you have a girlfriend now.

lazy moments in my bed.

I met her once.

I smiled at a joke.

I was worried I broke you.

Late night drives headed home.

I forgot to realize that I broke instead.

Her:

It wasn’t her fault she always said. but it was. time after time she proved that it was. but it wasn’t and she never would admit it. she is the bane of her existence not anyone else. she hated that revelation and she pushed it down. down to the box that she kept hidden. she forgot to breathe then she woke up again and moved on.

no color:

it felt gray. even when there was sun it was just gray. she cried. the rain poured and she cried. the sun rose and she still cried. nothing was helping. she was drowning and no one noticed. it was gray. beautiful unyielding gray.

he noticed. in her down turned eyes in her blank stare. he noticed her look into the rain. he noticed. there was shy and then fear and that was a line. the line wasn’t able to be crossed. he wasn't supposed to be joy.

pain:

she was suffering. she worked until her legs bled but she was suffering. the whip cracked and she moved.

suffering has more then one meanings. she would know she felt it in every way.  

loneliness:

she had one thought going through her. one thought that didn’t ebb away. she wanted to be seen. there was one reason to my married, the only reason that ever seemed to matter to her. she wanted to be seen and to be heard. she didn’t want to experience life alone. she wanted to be seen and heard and to share everyday with someone. there was joy and tragedy and she didn’t care what she experienced all she wanted was to share it with someone.

if a boy were to love me:

why does she look at me like that

why doesn’t she kiss me

why does she turn me down each time i try

why doesn’t she like me back

why am i not enough for her

why

boys like my brothers:

i wondered what your mothers thought of your drinking habits.

i wonder how’d they feel if they saw there sons in the same light as i do.

its a habit. never to hurt, never to inflict pain on anyone, its a gentle habit,

one that only seems to damage themselves, one that kills slowly, one that numbs out and evens them straight.

i asked the mothers and the first paid no mind, never cared too much, the second was unaware. concerned but unaware.

out of fear for my brother i didnt not tell her.

i wondered if mothers would blame themselves for the lives of there boys. i wondered what the boys thought.

unfortunately i never seemed to really believe they did.

the sister:

the brother that i love confused me

i say they do not wish to think and i believe it.

why self harm? why kill yourself slowly?

so again i asked why?

he reasoned it started with hatred.

hatred born of himself

of the world

of people

i wondered why still. wondered why live with hatred?

it is not the mothers responsibility once the son becomes the adult.

i ask everyone how to remove hatred from brothers and sons?

Me:

my eyes are blue like my city

the lake, sky and mountains reflected in them

my eyes are blue like my friends

watching and learning how to treat others in kindness

my eyes are blue like my mother

decisive on right and wrong choices

my eyes are blue like me

woven from everyone around me and reflected back to them

i believe they are souls and i measure as my eyes see

in the mirror reflected back to me