Canadian

Here’s something you don’t know: I am an immigrant! I live in florida now and yes I do in fact have my citizenship curtsy of my mom’s ex husband and when I tell people I’m not from here, nowadays they’re shocked. When I first moved here from Canada for about three years straight I normally got the response of “Ohhh, that makes sense.”

I was always kind of offended because what do you mean, “that makes sense” but overtime I realized it was more of a compliment because I was polite, kinder, a bit more patient and caring as a younger kid. As much shit I got for being a Canadian in Florida (trust me there was a lot) I still had some idea that being from Canada was something to be proud of.

I think I really settled as my role as an American, and a Floridian American nonetheless, in high school at some point. So now when it comes up in conversation most people are surprised that I’m Canadian. It was really then that I realized I was American too, I fit in here, I made sense here. It took me awhile but I have a home, a life, friends and family here that I love and I’m happy. Sometimes I mourn when I got the response of that made sense, only because it was such a huge part of me and that innocence was lost. I don’t miss it that much though, I know I still come off innocent but I am different now.

When I do go visit Canada or talk to my old friends, I see the life I could have had if I chose to stay. I think I would have been not as happy as I am here and I would have wondered what my life would look like in the U.S.

I was talking to my sister who still lives in Canada (and will not be moving) and I was telling her what I might want to do as a career and she said something about me that just isn’t who I am anymore what so ever. I think it dawned that I am no longer that little girl that tripped over her own two feet, that couldn’t speak, couldn’t spell, couldn’t remember anything and in way too many ways I am still that girl. But these days I’m not defined by those qualities, are they me? Yea definitely but they aren’t everything about me.

I think people grow up and when you aren’t right there watching them grow it can be hard to realize. It isn’t her fault she doesn’t know me well anymore, we’re directly across the U.S from each other and so I can’t blame her.

But I do recognize that maybe they don’t know me anymore and maybe I don’t know them anymore either. We still love each other and nothing will change that, but there’s a disconnect that 10 years of living in the U.S will do to a family.

Lots of love, June